Howden Manifesto

Our candidate if elected will do his best to stop Ayatollah Brown terrorising Magna Carta, single mothers and the disabled.


If elected our candidate would like to see Cherie Blair detained indefinitely in a Convent to stop her having sex with Tony and telling us all the  boring details.


If elected our candidate would like to see Butler Paul Burrell banged up in the Tower for 42 years for bonking Princess Di and catching the Queen “Starkers” (News of the World, June 16th)


If elected our candidate would like to see Abu Hamza sent to Ulster instead of the USA, so he can build a mosque next to Ian Paisley’s house, then they can rant at each other to their heart’s content.


If elected our candidate would like to see hell-fire preacher, the Rev. Ian Paisley put in our Party’s solar powered electric chair & given a good roasting for his party’s (DUP) disgraceful support of Brown’s 42 day Detention Bill.


If elected our candidate would like to see CCTV cameras placed in Nick “Cleggover’s” bedroom to prove how useless he is !


If elected our candidate would like to see lonely people given the legal right to marry their live-in blow-up rubber dolls (see 2007 film “ Lars and the Real Girl”) David Davis’s record on this “sort of behaviour” is rather backward looking.


Poem by Lady Maud Biro – “Ode to David Davis”

Roses are red, violets are blue.

I’d rather vote for the Democratic Unionist Party

than go down on- (that’s enough dear – Ed.)


A Psychic message from Sir Harry Lauder

to Gordon Brown PM

Keep Right on to the End of the Road and

dinnae come f—— (sorry), Trucking back! 

13 Responses to “Howden Manifesto”

  1. Josh Says:

    Man, I like your election posters:)

  2. mr peahead has a pea for a head Says:

    why so few policies about peas? The message I’m getting loud N clear is that you don’t care about peas! Having a pea for a head I am greatly concerned about all pea related issues. That and the lack of quality muppet based TV shows

  3. Christof The Mad Says:

    What about the smoking of Pipes ???
    There is no mention of this as far as I can see – are you for or against old man ??

  4. Mr Angry Howden Says:

    I predict a David Davis Victory and 25 lost deposits.

  5. Knight Johnny of Masonica Says:

    seriously these greenies should be more cooperative & could do with you on their side& they should treat you with more respect! I think they may have just felt threatened by your quiff though really, it is a mighty quiff!
    Tell em their record holding canvasser who did london bow green says so!
    Lord Biro,Elvis is da man!
    check out indymedia,tis sorted my leige,

  6. 1st Presleytarian Church of Elvis the Divine (UK) Says:

    Col. Pharma Love, of The 1st Presleytarian Church of Elvis the Divine (UK), would, on behalf of the Alternative Alabama Government of Brixton, like to add our support to your campaign tomorrow and wish you all the luck in the world shoving a spiney fish up or down any of David Davis’ holes. I’m sure the Reverends DWayne and Larry Love will concur with me over this particular (said in a Welsh accent) event, I ain’t asked them but do I give a flying fish! Go to it guys! Of course to us Elvis is God and there fore not living, let alone in Iran, surely the peanut butter melts there. Schism anyone?

  7. Paint lady Says:

    well you won my vote ! Just would like to see David Davis’s fat smug arrogant face lose to you guys it would make my year – no decade ! Has he as wasted so much of tax payers money on this stupid election to build up is ego . My postal vote went in for you last week so good luck !

  8. Rev.Two-Sheds Says:

    “I believe it to be an even greater contribution to road safety…” Sir John Stalker [1976 sic]

    “Come they told me parrupa pum pum…” Bing / Bowie

    …sorry but I really just couldn’t be bothered to think up any more of my own quotations this time round…

    kindest regards etcetera


    [dictated not read]

  9. Lord Evil Says:

    Hey I’m titled too! If you’d got elected would you have renounced your lordhood to sit (or lie down) in the House of Commons, or would you have gone to the other place (Waitrose)?

  10. James Says:

    If i was of voting age (im only 16) then i would have voted for you :D

  11. Lord Elvis of Paisley Says:

    You are an imposter and I claim my £5…

  12. Dominic Bishop Says:

    As a son to Paul Eric Bishop and therefore your nephew, Lord Biro, I demand a place in the party cabinet and powers beyond sleeping all day and eating cheeseburkhas.
    I feel a place as Minister for Cheese would be appropriate, as cheese is an enourmous issue and a vital component in the upcoming European Elections.

    I also feel that the Manifesto should include fairer rights for chickens, and the introduction of a 99p coin to reduce space change.

    I am disenchanted with the shenanigans of current MPs, so consequently out of anger, stupidity and sheer blind loyalty, I will be voting Militant Elvis in the upcoming elections. Well Done Sir!

  13. Duncan Putt Says:

    Why don’t one of you Church of the Militant Elvis members stand in my constituency, Halton? 1997 was our wackiest election and it’s shit compared to other people’s. Please come and stand. By the way. I’m not registered to vote.

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